Seeing through a child's eyes

EVERYBODY WANTS TO LEAVE A BETTER PLANET FOR THE KID'S

HOW ABOUT LEAVING A BETTER KID'S TO THE PLANET

Many years ago I read a book " All I need to know I learned in Kindergarten" by Robert Fulghum. It was a book on parenting and as a young parent I was ready to soak in all the tips I needed from every possible source. Though I have long forgotten all the tips the book had to offer ( Like most seasoned parents I too have formulated my own fluid rules), the title has left a lasting impression on me. It keeps ringing in my mind unannounced, at the slightest provocation from the antics of my growing kids. For one I have learnt that a child is the father of man. Yes, children present their views lucidly and the lessons they deliver are sometimes hard hitting.  With all their inherent innocence and simplicity their views speaks volumes about us, and our world. There is so much to learn from them. When I say this I'm not talking about the lessons which seem to make more sense now, when I teach my elder one than when I studied them at school. I'm talking about the times when say perhaps, you take your child to a zoo and he/she remarks on seeing two squabbling monkey's - "Hey! this couple also fights like Mom and Pop." Wooh! such statements hurts! Right? The truth however is that we too are animals though we consider ourselves superior.


There will be times when the moral lessons you gave to your child about being honest and truthful leaves you in cold sweat. Like say you are at a party trying desperately to garner some brownie points from your boss and praise him by saying " Sir you look so smart in that suit." Your kid bats his/her eyes innocently saying "But Daddy yesterday you said, no matter what that bugger wears he looks like a crazy Ass!" Well what do we tell our children? -That one should not be too honest or that an adult world cannot operate without lies- white and black. Children force us to look inward and put our demeanor, our behavior and the functioning of our entire world under the scanner. What we have come to accept as usual, begins to shock us , disturb us. It is important to see the adult world through a child's eyes, in order to understand the underlying flaws. Perhaps such shockers from our children may provoke us to become better human beings or more adept manipulators.

MOTHER_ MY KINDLY LIGHT

 MOTHER-  MY KINDLY LIGHT 

You cling on tight, eyes alone reveal the disquiet

I slept oblivious, you rummaged through worries and plight

“How to shield this tiny life?” you try your might.

 

Chandra Kochhar, Mittal, Priyanka or Bill Gates,

In your eyes I’m always the best.

For the tiniest step I took, you applauded without rest.

For the smallest scratch I suffered, your heart bruised inside.

You hide the pain, and smiled, injecting me with strength to brave the world outside.

Things may not be seen by us in the same light,

 You tried to sell me to Salwars and long skirts

I craved for that shredded jeans and that off shoulder top.

You believed boys can never be friends,

For me there are some boys who are just friends and then there are special friends.

You may haunt for my Mr. Right

But you have never stopped me from taking flight.

You lead me through the jungle called life,

 You pulled me through when difficult times were rife.

We shared our secrets together, grew up together, explored the world together, relished the little joys together

You being a better mother with every step, me trying to blossom under your loving gaze

You understood what I said when no one could,

Smiled knowing when I blushed to reveal that first flutter I never understood.

You taught me vital lessons of life- about letting go,

About selfless love, about soothing someone when your heart is crying out loud

About braving the rain to shelter someone

About enjoying the tiniest milestones

About the religion of humanity and love

About discovering the common and enjoying the different.

About loving someone despite the hurt they cause.

You are my kindly light, my torch in the darkest of night

Words are just writing on sand, and  too cheap a brand

 To explain your place in my heartland.

At the receiving end

Love  me - U better get me that ring!

Certain individuals attach a lot of importance to tangible and concrete gifts. They presume that giving and receiving gifts is actually an expression of love. This is perhaps the simplest language to comprehend. However individuals who consider material gifts as hallow expressions of love or who are concerned more with saving, may find it difficult to comprehend this language. It is important to remember that individuals who like receiving gifts actually look for the thought behind the gift. The value of the gift may not be important to them. Frequent inexpensive gifts may be enough to communicate to them that they are remembered, valued, cherished and loved. A flower may be a better gift than an expensive suit. It is important to decipherer individual tastes, likes and dislikes while giving a gift. Since such people look for emotions behind the gifts, it is important to choose a thought full gift.

Certain individuals comprehend simple acts like helping with some chores in the house, preparing a meal, vacuuming or walking the dog as acts made out of love. For these individuals acts of service communicate feelings of love. There is a bell of warning here. It is important to understand the vernacular or dialect along with the language of the partner. Often certain individuals value a particular task more than other. For example a husband may try to express his love to his wife who understands the language of acts of service and prepare a cup of bed tea for his wife on a Sunday morning. The wife however may not attach much significance to this act. For her helping out with cleaning the dishes after meals may be an important action for expressing love. Action it is said always speaks better then words and hence acts of service are extremely potent tools for expressing warm feelings of devotion and love to one’s partner.

Weight loss- No magical solution

Weight loss- No magical solution

With the obesity figure reaching an all time high most of us are on the trail, for a magical resolutions for the weight related problems. Devoted and admiring fans of celebrities with immaculate figures, lap up diet plans of celebrities who swear by its efficacy. Many of us believe that people who have stuck to a particular diet regime are magically bestowed with perfect bodies. Followed religiously many of this wonder diet plans may in fact result in weight loss. Often however these are temporary solutions with serious health repercussions.

   In the modern times people are imprisoned by their self created monsters. Eating a simple home cooked meal (using whole ingredients), is a thing of the past now, and reserved for special occasion. People have become hooked to the highly processed refined foods, bursting with fat and carbohydrate. An entire generation has been breed on fast food with little nutritional value. A sedentary life style combined with this completes the fatal partnership. Fad diets, magical weight loss in 9 days, lipo-suctions and infinite other modern techniques of weight loss sprout up each day. The assumptions that anything new and modern is bound to be good, often makes us shortsighted and blind to the solutions nearer at home. Following a well balanced diet geared to an individuals needs and taste is usually the best way out. Unfortunately most people fail to resist the temptations surrounding them, and so the quest for the “Holy Grail Diet” continues.

Many of the designed diet plans are fads which have been fashioned without adequate research about the effect of such a diet regime on the health of the people. Many of them rigidly control the kind of food consumed, or completely prohibit the consumption of a particular food variety like dairy products, fats, sweets etc. A diet with overabundance of protein can cause health complications like kidney problems, bloating etc. Unbalanced diet is bound to give rise to several nutritional deficiencies. At times an individual has severe addiction to a particular food variety and sudden severe restrictions give rise to cravings. An individual may feel caged and depressed. Intense craving where the mind dwells over thoughts about food, unable to concentrate on any other activity defeats the very purpose of the diet plan. In such a scenario meal time becomes monotonous and boring and an individual resolve to stick to the regime is bound to suffer. Many diet plans involve a hunt for exotic, wonder ingredients which are not easily available.

  

Lose weight to gain what?

Veena, my friend, expressed her excitement about the upcoming vacation and the accompanying stress points related to it. The narrative is in first person to facilitate effective communication. 

It's that time of the year again. Vacations, vacations ...only a couple of months to go and then- yippee! Vacation means break from the daily routine - getting up early to pack the kids to school -and a chance to go on a trip to beloved homeland. Now, wait a minute, doesn't that mean a family reunion is just around the corner? Now, where have I tucked in that svelte figure, hidden from sight, creaking under the weight of loads of flab? Each passing year adds new dimensions to life and a few pounds of good living to the waistline. Gorgeous attires, a testimony of our shapely past sit ideally, waiting for their turn to step out of the wardrobe, for the right size to squeeze into them. With all this on mind, I chalked out yet another resolution-come what may, I will shed a decade load off my conscience and the scale. Two weeks is a reasonable time to go on that full vegan diet I had read somewhere. It won't be that tough to gobble up a few fruits or flush in some vegetable juice to my clogged system. Oh! Sucks, what about that invitation to ladies breakfast today? Any odor of dieting will invariably set those lovely yet predictably wicked minds and tongue ticking-"She diets and yet when will we see the results? She'll diet and finish half of the caramel pudding on the table!" No, I decided it's safe to postpone my regime by a day at least. Well in any case, there is no point warding off the temptations of Sakeena's divine biryani, and then finishing off the packet send for the kids at home later. 

The women were gathered together already, their boisterous mood threatening a caving effect on the ceiling. A plump friend sat a little apologetically in a corner. She seemed visibly uncomfortable while three other friends, quite trim at least by my standard, discussed the touchy topic -weight. My plump friend had naively triggered her own discomfiture. She had complimented, let us say Miss slim No: 1 on her visible weight loss from the no crabs diet adopted. Now which woman (in this case Miss slim No: 2) can digest a compliment made to another in her presence, especially when a solid hour or two has been invested towards garnering envious eyes. Adorned in sparkling diamond-studded necklace, ring, gorgeous outfit from Zara, and coordinated nude sandals, a girl should be spinning the world on her fingers. Here was a plump lady complimenting a rival. Only way to create a ripple now was to tarnish the rivals moment of glory. Unflinchingly, Miss 2 blunted out, "Yeah darling, you have lost some weight, but waist down you are going bonkers. Sweetie, you should also take care of your face, your cheek seems so sunken and haggard." 

I checked my silly tongue from explaining that they were all slim, but have different body types- Mesomorph, ectomorph and endomorph. My momentary sanity spared me from the resultant onslaught that was to follow, and most of all a paradigm shift towards me. No matter how much weight or how little a woman looses, it's never enough. Take Kareena Kapoor for instance. First, the lady was considered an ethereal beauty no doubt, but quite visibly from a family who loved to eat. Now a size zero, the poor woman is bombarded with quotes like, Kareena's career is as big as her size "zero". She is invisible, so no one casts her in their film. The aim of weight loss is to boost self-confidence and look good, but conversely a confident personality outshines all in his/her radiance, no matter the size. Now my resolve is to be confident at all times, to maintain a healthy life style and weight. When I accept myself and I am happy in my skin, any attire will radiate my inner joy. Jennifer Lopez lost some weight and a little bit of her husband's affection (he liked her curvy). Nowm Kareena too has ditched her size zero figure for a fuller, more Indian and healthier (read happier as she can indulge occasionally) figure and Vidya Balan with herself plus 12 kgs won herself stupendous accolades. Oprah has long battled with her weight but has always been the reigning queen of millions of fans. I love you Oprah, so long my pre-pregnancy silhouette. 

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/nri/contributors/contributions/minakhee-mishra/Lose-weight-to-gain-what/articleshow/12016154.cms

SUMMER VACATIONS NOW & THEN

SUMMER VACATIONS NOW & THEN----MY ARTICLE ON TOI

Summer times resurrect memories of abandoned fun with siblings, cousins and friends during the long meandering vacations. Summer vacations meant getting up late, having an unhurried breakfast, engaging in indoor games like carom, chess, Chinese checker and ludo, with ample dose of fights, chit chats, interrupted only by quick refill breaks, of juices, lassi, or mango ice creams. No matter how many mangoes we ate, the ones that tasted the best were those stolen from under grannie's bed, while she took a break from her sentry duty to enjoy her afternoon siesta......CATCH MORE OF THE POST ON THE LINK BELOW

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/nri/contributors/contributions/minakhee-mishra/Summer-vacations-Now-and-then/articleshow/14690274.cms

Rape: The National shame--Groping for Solution

"RAPE IS NOT JUST A WOMEN'S ISSUE. IT IS ABOUT MEN WHO STOP BEHAVING LIKE HUMAN AND START BEHAVING LIKE THE DEMONS"

    I do not know if more crime reported equates to the Indian media's vigilance and sensitivity in highlighting/reporting such crime. I do know that sexual exploitation and abuse is a global malice and not restricted to India alone. While I rejoice that the media and press enjoys more freedom in my country, I cannot but help getting jitters  that every day there is news of such crime on children, women and vulnerable people.  Sexual assault and abuse is not specific to India yet the blatant and abased nature/intensity of crimes in the recent times has shaken us all. 

We have seen some politicians and spiritual gurus hold views regarding women, crime against women and solutions for such malice, which are deplorable to say the least and harmful at best- Views like western values taking hold of youths-jeans, short skirts; even stepping out to work is touted as being the real culprits behind the evil. Views like "Jab tak mahila tirchi najar se nahi dekhegi, tab tak purush use nahi chedega" (No man will harass a woman till she looks at him in a suggestive manner)," Satyadev Katare.


 It is felt by many that our “Bharat” is un-corrupted and these incidences have mushroomed only in recent “India”. So have the hell homes erupted overnight as India stepped into the 20th century?Well let us take a glance at our heritage to gain a better perspective. Let us analyze the status of women as depicted in Mahabharata. Kunti who was asked by her father to serve a spiritual guru became an unwed mother. Even though she was a princess and had her father’s sanction to gain the mysterious mantra, she was not immune to social pressure and had to give up her son Karna. Marriage was made to seal powerful alliance among kings. In most cases the women had to bow down for the greater good and wed men old enough to be their father. Then there is the case of sanctioned rape of Amba and Ambalika, who were so petrified that one is said to have given birth to a blind and other to a pale sickly child. Draupadi was bartered off as a possession by her gambling husband - humiliated while the elders kept mum and watched.

 Draupadi however was no timid women and vowed not to tie her hair till the men who humiliated her were destroyed. Even during the time of Raghuvanshi Ramachandra there was an Ahalaya who was tricked by Indra posing to be her husband and then turned into stone by her fuming husband for no fault of hers.

 Questions rise about whether it was necessary to disfigure Suparnekha because she was bold enough to propose to two Aryan men. Could there not have been a better way to handle the transgression, especial by a woman from an alien culture (perhaps where it was normal for women to be bold). This could have averted Sita’s apaharan and the subsequent war.

 Apart from mythology our history bears evidence of suffering lonely queens and salve women in kings enclosed harems. While accepting that the past has been glorious in some ways- but not without its fair share of flaws- we have to progress towards a better future. We cannot blame modernity, urbanization or western influence for the degradation of our values. Human beings have evolved from the Neolithic age and hence we cannot keep regressing to our past with the hope that we can have the perfect society we think we had. Let us ask a Draupadi, Sita or some of the queens to gain a better perspective if that society was indeed ideal for women.

Even the recent history provides no respite. As an university student in Hyderabad, we had to rally for better security in our campus, following the gang rape of a fellow student by miscreants from outside the university. The girl by the way was dressed appropriately (some hold the believe that the traditional saree and salwar kameej are appropriate dress code for women who do not want to be raped in India) in "salwar kameez" and was on her way to the library in the afternoon (not any bar or pub). Marriage brought me to Delhi and studies and work took me outside the Lakshman Rekha of home. While there are many beautiful memories attached to Delhi, my “Delhi meri jaan hai” image of the country’s capital was permanently scarred when exposed to the episodes in crowded buses or deserted streets.

 The schools, neighborhood and home too are no longer a safe haven. I am sure harsher punishment, certainty of decree, fast track courts, better law and order are all legitimate demands. However they alone cannot become a deterrent for crime. The root of crime lies in our attitude and mentality and no law can change that. The criminal or psychopath mind is indeed infecting our society like virus.

 A psychopath is an individual with a different kind of a mind devoid of empathy, sympathy, positive emotions and selflessness. Such an individual gains a perverse sense of power or control by victimizing others. Such an individual desires only self-satisfaction through the pain of the victim.

Why is our society giving rise to so many psychopaths?

Perhaps when we seek and find answer to this question we will be able to root out crime from society. It is said poverty resulting in alienation, apathy and anger, lack of education and mostly value education provides a conducive environment for a psychopath being to breed. There is no easy solution to this difficult problem scourge in our time and hence we need to resolve it from all possible direction.  

Points to ponder 

1. Why is liquor so easily available? Why are there no liquor licensing system instituted for individuals?
2. What purpose does pornographic materials, pornographic site  and objectification of women serve, other than training human mind to crave for tasteless pleasure?  What freedom of expression/ experience and progress are we denying our-selves if these are removed altogether? How about being progressive enough to legalize prostitution and give certain vulnerable individuals a chance to live a humane life.
3. Why is there no statutory body to regularly inspect juvenile homes/shelters etc?
4. What happened to compulsory child education, adult literacy for slum dwellers ?
5. Why is there no compulsory value education instituted into into our educational system? 
6. Why are politicians and people in authority not held culpable for irresponsible statement? 

Justice Drugged

Her cries died, a scream crippled her being still

Jerking an invisible hand that muffled her voice still

Tears  dried,  her soul wept still

The silence disturbing,
Those times withered, she innocently equated with peace
Her cries  died, a scream crippled her being still

Demons scarred, slapped, bit-  ravaged her being
Laughing at her ordeal, a savage note they sing
She jerked an invisible hand that muffled her voice still

A thought thumped in her mind still,
" Surviving this hell, I'll have you, Cannibal’s begging for death”.
Tears had dried, her soul wept still

Entire nation enraged,
In her pain, a cause to awaken their souls caged
Anger fired, helplessness crippled their being still

Skins thickened, thawed in her burning pain,
Sensitivity and aversion sharp, against the sickening bane,
Yet that invisible hand, muffled their voices still

Bloodied /mutilated- lay, humanity- still
Grabbing  morsels of serenity, only comatose times can fill,
 The promised land remains at distance still

Women-Bowed and  respected only as sculptured replica, still.

A living entity -an equipment for thrill, a progenitor to play at will.
The promised land remains at distance still

THINKING OF IT

THINKING OF IT …..

Rashmi Luktuke - Is an ex-principal from Mumbai, with a plethora of experience and knowledge. An ideal mother and proud grandmother, who is at the verge of realizing her dream of spurring up a beautiful butterfly garden.Listen to her  as she speaks her heart out---

 

It pains me and saddens my heart when I read about such incidences like rape and assault.  There were times when rape and sex were dictionary words, and then too not for children and teenagers. But now a days, every alternate day, we see or read about ghastly incidences related to them. (Thanks to multimedia for the details!!!! )

As a mother I am frightened. As a parent I am at a loss as to how to protect my little one. What do I do? Lock my daughter? Curtail her activities? No Way!      

We should seek other solutions.

We should be free with our children. Talk to them on subjects apart from studies or scoldings. We should be able to communicate with them at their level. Much more attention should be paid to phrases like……” I don’t like him or her at all” “He is not nice….”  Or “he or she is too nice… ”

We should insist that children should not accept gifts eatables without informing us and without our permission.

As they grow we should tell them about their body parts. Teenagers should be given sex education. No awkwardness here or else an expert’s help should be taken.

We should encourage them to learn self defense.

This is about personal or individual level.

On the social level we can do the following.

The schools should take up take sex education more seriously.

Community awareness and action programs should be organized.

Authorities should instill fear of punishment.

We should forget our differences, caste, creed, religions or whatever and join hands in dealing with such incidences. We as citizens should commit to the cause and have to be more vigilant.

But insulating ourselves and our kids is not sufficient. It may not always keep us safe.

On a broader perspective I think a close knit bond amongst family members, relatives, friends and society is a must. Nowadays it is missing. Our social network has huge empty holes in it. We are a faceless society of faceless individuals. If there is a sense of belonging to a community and society then the individual will think 100 times before doing anything that will lower his esteem in the eyes of his beloved ones and the society. Let us work together to create a cohesive healthy society for our children’s sake at least.

SUCHETA MISHRA SWAIN- AN EX-PROFESSOR GIVES CERTAIN COMPELLING VIEWS:
 

The issue of rape is too complicated to be handled easily and closely linked to feminist issues. It has to do with the mindset of all--sexual stereotyping begins very early in life, in the home where parents treat children unequally, and of course through outside influences, most notorious being the media which objectifies women. So lasting change can come only if education reaches here!! The media has a huge role to play! But despite everything, criminals will be there in society. So a strict law and fast-track execution of the law has to be there. Additionally, defenseless children and young girls should be trained in ways to protect themselves everywhere!!

A Measure of happiness

A MEASURE OF HAPPINESS

In most instances, people venture to new places in order to explore chances for better economic gains. However, ultimately they find out that money alone cannot bring them happiness. Of course, at the macro level, the GDP of a country is indicative of its economic health, but from the micro perspective, it is the emotional well-being of the residents that is far more crucial. In this instance GNH or "gross national happiness" (a term coined by Bhutan's 4th King Jigme Singye Wangchuck in 972) becomes very relevant. Gross national happiness refers to the holistic wellbeing of the general population and its major indicators in the first global GNH survey were: economic wellness, social wellness, political wellness (good governance), work place wellness, environmental wellness (sustainable development), mental wellness and physical Wellness. Unlike the GDP, the GNH is not easily quantifiable, but its fundamental indicators can be subject to quantitative dimensions. Measuring the health of a country based solely on objective material factors like consumption and production, disregarding the "happiness economist" or the human entity cannot be considered realistic. It is a logical deduction that the GDP of any country becomes more attainable when the GNH index climbs up. More focus on GNH is vital for the survival and sustenance of life and future. .....READ MORE @ http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/nri/contributors/contributions/minakhee-mishra/The-measure-of-happiness/articleshow/14688077.cms